How To Talk To Your Child About Eating Disorders

The number of eating disorder patients under twelve is exponentially rising — which is why it’s important to learn how to talk to your child about eating disorders, body image concerns, and healthy relationships with physical movement.

Read on to find out:

Why you should have constructive conversations about food, weight, and shape — even if your child does it not sure signs of an eating disorder or body image disturbance
How to talk about these subjects in the household
Prevalent types of eating disorders in children and adolescents
What to do if you think your child is at-risk for, or has already developed, an eating disorder
Talking to your child about your concerns
Special challenges associated with eating disorders and teens

When it comes to eating disorders, early intervention is one of the most important factors influencing your child’s chances of making a full recovery. You should have meaningful conversations with your child about food, weight, and shape, whether they are at-risk for an eating disorder or not, and here’s why.

Children Begin to Dislike Their Bodies at a Young Age

Studies have found that children as young as five years old become “aware” of — and judge — their physical bodies. Many children as young as eight start to dislike their bodies and compare their physical features to their peers’.

As low self-esteem and negative body image can factor into the development of an eating disorder, it’s important to start the body image conversation while your child is young.

How to help your child improve their body image:

Remind them that their worth is not measured by shape or weight
Show them that beauty comes in many forms
Help them develop positive affirmations around body image, such as these ones
Give your child compliments that have nothing to do with their bodies
Help your child develop a list of things that are unique and interesting about them

Puberty is a Common Trigger for Eating Disorders in Teens

The average age of eating disorder onset is fourteen. This is right around the time that children and adolescents experience big changes in their bodies. They may gain weight before a growth spurt, become more curvy, and lose their “childlike figure” for good. Some individuals have a really hard time processing such rapid changes — especially a huge increase of the number on the scale.

You have to relay to your child that:

The body is supposed to change; they’re not a “child” anymore, after all
It’s normal to gain weight; their bodies are literally growing taller, increasing bone density, and, for some, preparing for childbirth (although you can skip the last part of you don’t think it will be helpful for your child to hear in the moment)
Their weight will distribute more “evenly” as time goes on
They will get used to their new body

Childhood Bullying as a Source of Trauma

About one in five students are bullied. One of the most common subjects of bullying is someone’s physical appearance. Childhood bullying is considered a “hidden trauma” because these experiences are seemingly small, yet painful and cumulative. And since many eating disorders stem from childhood trauma, it’s important to address instances of bullying.

Reaffirm to your child that their worth is not tied up in their appearance, that their peers’ opinions are not relevant, and that they don’t need to change who they are or what they look like for the sake of others who don’t care about them.

Consider intervening on your child’s behalf. Speak to your child’s teachers, as well as the parents of any bullies, to stop your child’s suffering. Help your child learn to cope with any negative comments that come from people around them.

Kids Are Not Safe From Diet Culture — No One Is

With the rise of social media, there are ever-expanding ways that companies and influencers are promoting diet culture. And as more children and teens are on social media than ever before, they are not safe from diet culture.

Try talking to them about:

Digital retouching
Diet culture myths and fads
The fact that diet culture exists to sell individuals on the idea that “skinny is healthy,” and that everyone should be thin (neither of these statements are true)
How to educate themselves about what’s true and what’s not online
What really constitutes a healthy relationship with food, exercise, and the body — especially for someone at their age

FOLLOW THESE GENERAL RULES ON TALKING ABOUT FOOD, WEIGHT, SHAPE, AND EXERCISE IN THE HOUSEHOLD.

Your child is always listening and taking in information.

So even if you are supportive when talking to them, they can still internalize your (potentially) unhealthy beliefs about eating, weight, and shape if you express them in the household.

To help your child (and yourself) promote a healthy relationship with food and their bodies:

Don’t label foods “good” and “bad.” There is no morality when it comes to food. Food is just food.
Don’t discuss diets, “cheat days,” “clean eating,” or any other diet culture oriented topics in front of your child (and preferably, not at all.)
Do not judge your body or anyone else’s.
Compliment your child and others on things besides physical features.
Promote exercise as a form of healthy movement.
Encourage healthy movement as a way to build connection with their bodies.
Practice body positivity yourself.

Types of Eating Disorders Common in Children and Teens

These eating disorders are pretty prevalent in youth, so look out for them as your child makes more independent choices about food and movement.

Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder (ARFID): “extremely picky eating”
Pica: the regular consumption of anything that isn’t a food or beverage, such as dirt or clay
Anorexia nervosa (AN): characterized by preoccupation with shape and weight, restriction of nutrition intake, and possibly the use of other methods in an attempt to control weight
Bulimia nervosa (BN): the regular consumption of large quantities of food, followed by purging via vomiting, exercise, laxative or diuretic abuse, etc.
Binge eating disorder (BED): the regular consumption of vast quantities of food, with the absence of purging behaviors

ARFID and Pica are more associated with children than adults. It’s hard to diagnose these disorders because they are seen as “common behaviors,” and many adults expect children to “grow out of these behaviors.”

How to Start a Conversation with Your Child About Eating Disorders

Don’t wait to act on your concerns. Eating disorders, especially in this age group, can cause serious, lingering physical issues and stunt your child’s development.

Instead, do the following:

1. GET INFORMED ABOUT EATING DISORDERS.

Read up on eating disorder types, signs, and symptoms and how they show up in youth.

Look into the difference between things like “normal levels of pickiness” that you child might grow out of, and “extreme pickiness” that could indicate an eating disorder.

2. VISIT YOUR CHILD’S PEDIATRICIAN.

Bring along a list of questions and concerns you have about your child’s eating habits.

Medical professionals may test for malnutrition to help determine whether things like “picky eating” are affecting your child on a physical level.

If your child’s pediatrician is not informed about eating disorders, consider speaking with an eating disorder professional. They might be able to help you understand what’s going on with your child and how to help.

Note: You might get some resistance from fussy children and teens who are trying to hide their problems. Be persistent. This is your child’s future, after all.

3. SET A TIME AND A PLACE TO TALK TO YOUR CHILD ABOUT EATING DISORDERS.

The kind of conversation you have will vary depending on your child’s age, but no matter how old your child is, plan to speak with your child in a distraction-free environment. Include other helpful supports (such as a partner) in the conversation.

4. VOICE YOUR CONCERNS USING “I” LANGUAGE.

Instead of placing judgments or blame on your child for their behaviors, use assertive “I-statements.” Use phrases such as: “I have noticed this behavior,” and “I feel ____ when ___ happens.”

This helps children feel less accused and defensive. It also helps you better communicate the fact that you are worried.

5. PRACTICE ACTIVE LISTENING AS YOUR CHILD RESPONDS TO YOUR CONCERNS.

There are many ways your child could react to talking about eating disorders. They may be confused, probably because they haven’t even realized that they might have a problem.

In that case, open the conversation up and answer any questions they have. They might get defensive or resistant to the conversation, especially once the topic moves towards treatment options. This is most likely because they don’t want to talk about change, which will be uncomfortable for individuals who use disordered behaviors as a safety mechanism, or as a way to cope with anxiety.

In those cases, you may have to utilize your parental power. Firmly, but gently, explain that they have a life-threatening illness, and that you and other professionals can see that they need help. Do not allow space in the conversation for arguments or bargaining. This is just their eating disorder trying to gain some form of control. State that they will go to an eating disorder therapist or treatment program, depending on their needs.

6. FIND HELP FOR YOUR CHILD, THEN EXPLAIN THE TREATMENT PROCESS.

Children and teens with eating disorders often have rigid routines, and don’t like to go into the unknown. So consider what kind of treatment is best for your child. When making your decision, ask as many questions as possible about the process. Then you’ll be able to answer any questions your child has about the treatment process.

Related: These are the pros and cons of family-based treatment and whether it will benefit your child.

Eating Disorders and Teens: Special Challenges

Teens are typically much more resistant to talking about eating disorders and treatment. They often have their eating disorder for much longer than children, so it’s harder for them to change. Teens are also more aware of how their eating disorder serves them, and can “rationalize” whatever pain they’re doing through.

But you can get your teen help for their eating disorder, and this is how.

Resources and Support for Parents of Children with an Eating Disorder

If you or a loved one is suffering from an eating disorder, take the first step today and talk to someone about recovery or simply learn more about the holistic eating disorder recovery programs we offer.

Nicolette Kier

Nicolette Kier, BA English, University of Pittsburgh is an experienced blog writer with expertise in the fields of healthcare and eating disorders. She is also a former volunteer with Project HEAL.