For many people, the holidays are the most wonderful time of the year. They are thrilled with the number of holiday parties, gift giving, winter concerts, and get togethers throughout the season. But for someone in eating disorder recovery, so many social events — and the meals and treats that come with them — can be terrifying.
That’s why this post is focused on how to get through holiday season social events in eating disorder recovery, including how to:
- Socialize without fixating on food
- Navigate spontaneous meals and treats without compensating for them later on
- Assert boundaries at social events, especially around food, dieting, and discussing your body or your time in eating disorder treatment
- Recharge your social batteries after events
- Cope with the cheer around you if you’re not feeling up to it
You are allowed to feel joy without guilt always, but especially during the season of giving. Try to give yourself permission to enjoy yourself and be present with your loved ones.
It’s okay if you’re just trying to get through the holiday season when you have an eating disorder. Protecting your recovery is more important than any social event or challenge food. Learning your limits is important, and respecting those limits is important too.
Preparing for Events When You Have an Eating Disorder
1. DO NOT OVEREXTEND YOURSELF.
Many people with eating disorders tend to be perfectionists, or hope to have some control when faced with potentially stressful situations. They may be people pleasers as well.
If you fall into these categories, you might feel compelled to help with cooking, bringing baked goods, setting up an event or cleaning up afterwards, or a million other things.
This can lead to stress, exhaustion, and burnout before you’ve even gotten the chance to enjoy an event for yourself. It might also be your eating disorder making you focus on everyone else instead of focusing on your own recovery and nutritional needs.
To avoid stress, burnout, and subconsciously (or consciously) avoiding food or recovery-oriented activities, don’t overextend yourself.
No one expects you to do everything, and everyone will understand if you can’t bring your “famous” dish this year because it’s too emotionally charged or you don’t have the energy to engage in treatment and cook at the same time.
2. DO NOT PACK YOUR CALENDAR FULL OF EVENTS.
Before you developed an eating disorder, you might have been able to manage winter concerts, gift shopping, ordering special holiday drinks with friends, coordinating parties, decorating, finding holiday outfits, taking special photos — all the traditions that you and your family have.
However, doing all of those things is naturally stressful. Adding an eating disorder/eating disorder treatment on top of that can cause a level of emotional distress that’s just not worth it.
It’s okay — necessary, even — to say “no” to things, even if they are “tradition.”
Don’t feel guilty if you’re not ready to go to a party this year, have a challenging food/drink, or wear something that makes you uncomfortable in your body. It’s not the end of the world, and there will be other times when you can join in on everything you used to want to do.
That’s the beauty of recovery — you know you will get there eventually.
Related: This is how to say “no” to holiday events without feeling guilty.
3. HAVE A PLAN IN PLACE FOR EACH EVENT YOU GO TO.
Nothing brings on anxiety like “winging it”, right? Instead of worrying about all the “what ifs”, get some information about what to expect at each social event. Then, make a plan to handle each of them.
Figure out:
- What you will wear
- Who you will take with you for support
- How you will get to and from the event
- Roughly how long you plan to be there
- What kind of food will be there
- How you will maintain your meal plan/intuitive eating practices before, during, and after events with challenging meals and snacks
- Coping tools and techniques to help you if you feel anxiety while you’re out
- How you can take a break from or leave an event if it gets too overwhelming
- Responses to comments/questions about your weight, weight changes, absences due to treatment, etc. (you can also plan to just walk away from those conversations)
- Your safety plan for in case you feel the urge to harm yourself or others
Honoring all four types of hunger — which includes emotional hunger — is one of the goals of recovery. However, in periods of high stress it is okay to fall back to safe foods or lean on the structure of a meal plan. Do whatever it takes to make sure you’re not restricting food, overexercising, binging, purging, or engaging in any other behaviors that can cause an eating disorder slip, lapse, or relapse.
4. NEVER, EVER, EVER SKIP MEALS OR SNACKS TO “PREPARE” FOR A SPECIAL MEAL OR SNACK.
A lot of people — even people without eating disorders — hold off on eating to “make room for” a special meal or treat. However, while some people might be able to do that, people with eating disorders need to stick to regular eating times. If you know you’re going to have a large meal later on, you still need to eat breakfast, snacks, and listen to your body’s hunger cues.
Otherwise, you might end up in a cycle of binging and restricting, or another form of compensating using eating disorder behaviors, later on.
5. DISCUSS ANY POTENTIAL PROBLEMS OR WORRIES WITH YOUR TREATMENT TEAM.
If you have a treatment team (which is, unfortunately, a privilege for many people suffering from an eating disorder), discuss any upcoming events that you’re especially nervous about. Let them in on your plan and ask for feedback/suggestions to make sure your holiday season goes smoothly. Also, if you’re up for it, work with a professional to prepare for challenges surrounding food or body image. Exposure therapy can help a lot when it comes to facing challenges like these.
Finally, include them while you are creating your safety plan. Get the phone numbers of any relevant treatment providers and emergency mental health resources, plus your personal support system. Call those numbers if you are in a crisis.
Coping With (and Even Enjoying) Holiday Parties and Special Events
1. GROUND YOURSELF IN THE MOMENT.
Try to be as present and in the moment as possible during social gatherings. Whether that’s listening to a favorite holiday song, admiring the decorations, or getting into an exciting conversation, find something that keeps you from ruminating over food, your body, and any other triggering subjects.
2. AVOID TRIGGERS AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE.
In 2021, around half of America made weight loss their New Year’s resolution. Roughly half also decided to exercise more or “get fit.” Naturally, dieting, weight loss, exercise, and labeling foods as “good or bad” comes up in many conversations during the holidays.
Try to avoid this kind of triggering conversation as much as possible. If you are among close friends and family, consider intentionally setting a boundary around the kind of subjects that you can and can’t talk about.
If you’re at a work party, a fundraiser for charity, or some other event where you don’t know the people around you very well, simply excuse yourself and walk away.
Your time, and your recovery, are both too precious to spend in any conversation that does not benefit you.
3. FIND YOUR “SAFE SPACE.”
This is a place you can go to decompress and take a breath during a holiday event.
Your safe space might be an unoccupied room, a porch/pathway outside, a car, or any other place that is safe for you (and a support person, if you need) to get away when you have sensory overload.
Spend as much time in your safe space as you need. Then, once you’re ready, head back to the party.
4. BE HONEST WITH YOURSELF WHEN YOU’RE STRUGGLING.
If you need to leave an event altogether, that’s alright. Try to let someone know that you’re leaving. Then, go home and do something to distract yourself.
If you are worried about your safety, or just need someone with you, ask a friend or family member at the party to take you home. Or, ask someone to come and pick you up.
Try not to feel guilty for taking time to yourself. It’s really okay to leave when you need to.
Recharging Your Social Batteries After So Much Interaction
1. PRACTICE SELF-COMPASSION.
Whether you had to leave an event early, or skipped out on an event altogether, appreciate the fact that you are prioritizing your health over all else. A lot of people don’t give themselves what they need, so listening to your own needs is pretty special.
If you slipped up and used an eating disorder behavior — during the holidays or any day of the year — acknowledge that you slipped up. Then, double down on your commitment to recovery. Make your very next decision a recovery-focused one.
If you skipped a meal, go get some nutrition in you now. If you binged, distract yourself now so you don’t follow an urge to restrict food or purge later. If you put on your running shoes for the wrong reasons, take them off and do something else.
2. SPEND SOME TIME DECOMPRESSING.
Whether you shower, sit alone in your room and read, or quietly watch TV with someone whose quiet presence is not overly stimulating, do something that’s not social.
Give yourself room to breathe.
3. TAKE NOTE OF HOW YOU’RE FEELING.
Take a quiet moment to gauge how you’re feeling.
If you’re drained, recognize that and adjust your schedule accordingly. If you’re filled with anxiety, think about what was making you anxious and plan to either avoid or cope with those situations later on.
If you’re happy and satisfied, celebrate that. And don’t feel guilty for being happy.
Coping with social events during the holidays in eating disorder recovery is hard.
But you can do hard things.
Whether this holiday season is about challenging yourself to do what you used to love, forging new traditions, or simply surviving, you can cope with the holidays. And as you progress in your recovery, these kinds of social gatherings will become normal.
If you or a loved one is suffering from an eating disorder, take the first step today and talk to someone about recovery or start by learning about the eating disorder recovery programs we offer.
